JACK FROST (1997) – The Dungeon Review!
What we have here is a film about a killer snowman. There are not a lot of films about killer snowmen. There is of course, Val Guest’s The Abominable Snowman starring Peter Cushing, but that is a considerably more serious affair than what we have here. The cover of Jack Frost shows a much more heinous looking snowman than what Jack is in actuality. Jack is literally three snowballs piled on top of one another with coal eyes and a carrot nose. You know, just like the ones we built when we were kids. Keeping in mind that this is a film about a killer snowman, you should not expect to be frightened. There is not a single scary moment in Jack Frost. Jack Frost is definitely a horror-comedy that is heavy on the laughs and site gags. Jack Frost is ridiculous, cheesy, incredibly stupid and occasionally tasteless; I liked it. SPOILERS AHEAD!
An uncle tells a child a bedtime story; a happy scary story. A story about a serial killer name Jack Frost. We meet Jack as he is being driven to his execution. An accident frees Jack but the vehicle they crashed into is marked “genetic research – caution acidic solution”. Oh-Oh! Jack ends up getting doused with a comically heavy shower of the acid which melts him down into the snow. The snow begins to bubble and jump and voila! Giant, mutant killer snowman…with a hankering for revenge!
Driven to his execution? What the hell? Who gets driven to an execution? You are not watching Jack Frost for its awesome story. There really is only one reason to venture here and that is for the killer snowman and his antics. Jack tears through a lot of neighbours on the way to finding the cop that nailed him. Sam the cop lives in a small town, the kind where everyone knows each other’s names and they have town hall meetings and barbecues and shit. Sam is pretty jittery and keeps having flashbacks of Jack swearing his vengeance. Sam even calls the FBI to ask about Jack’s death who of course confirms Jack’s demise. The FBI are totally aware that the acidic solution brought Jack back badder than ever. Bad FBI! Bad! Enough with the freaking “story” already! Like I said it is all about Jack.
There are only 10 kills in Jack Frost, but when your kills are enacted by a snowman they tend to be a little more memorable. There are several bad one liners and catch phrases uttered by Jack with each kill. Colourful character this serial killer turned snowman. “I only “axed” ya for a smoke” which naturally accompanied an axe to the head and others like “It ain’t fucking Frosty” “It’s the world’s most pissed off snow cone” and yeah, others I don’t remember. The best and nastiest death involves Christmas ornaments. I watched twelve Christmas horror films back to back and I was so bloody disappointed that only two of the films I watched had deaths by Christmas ornaments. Jack wraps a woman in Christmas lights than shoves a glass ball in her mouth and smashes her face repeatedly into more glass balls. Damn!The most tasteless death of the lot is the rape scene. How does a snowman rape a woman? Two words; Carrot Nose. Shannon Elizabeth literally gets screwed to death by Jack. Have I mentioned Jack is a shape-shifting snowman? He can turn to water and get under doors, come through drains, taps etc. He can also shoot icicles like bullets. I’m almost embarrassed that I laughed so many times during this stupid movie. I couldn’t help it. The snowman was too cute to be doing such hideous things. I know he used to be a serial killer and all but seeing a snowman driving a car makes me laugh like a six year old.
I don’t really know what to say about the effects. Jack is a guy in a snowman costume and there is some blood here and there, but considering the brutality of the deaths, there should have been more. They get pretty creative though, I gotta hand them that. It might be tasteless but rape by snowman via carrot nose is something you ain’t going to see twice (probably). I thought it was nifty that he could change into water and back and I sure did dig his ability to shoot icicles. Of course being a snowman, Jack does have his weaknesses. Jack is not a fan of hair dryers, ovens or antifreeze. If I learned one thing from this movie it is that sometimes it’s okay to throw your child into a pool of antifreeze. I’ll tell ya one thing; Jack Frost is a crapload better than the family-friendly Michael Keaton version that came out the year after. The cover of the Keaton film makes me want to wretch! I had a huge crush on Keaton back in the day and seeing him in Jack Frost just made me feel sad, mildly angry and slightly dizzy. Do not mistake Jack Frost (1997) for Jack Frost (1998). I don’t really know what to say about the acting; I thought it was okay I think.
Jack Frost is a movie about a killer snowman; it has swearing, nudity, graphic violence, rape, terribly bad one-liners and it clearly knows who its audience is. On a scale of ten I would give it a 5.5 but since I don’t score out of ten I bumped it up to a 3. Yep. This movie is straight up stupid but I liked it anyway. Jack Frost is recommended to those of you who might be amused by a serial killer-shape-shifting-icicle shooting-snowman with potty mouth, a tasteless sense of humour and a seriously bad attitude; anyone else should avoid like the plague.
Dungeon Rating: 3/5
Directed By: Michael Cooney
Starring: Scott MacDonald, Christopher Allport, Stephen Mendel, F. William Parker, Eileen Seeley, Rob LaBelle, Zack Eginton, Jack Lindine, Kelly Jean Peters, Marsha Clark, Chip Heller, Brian Leckner, Darren O. Campbell, Shannon Elizabeth, Paul Keith